


Unwillingly A Weapon

by sparklingjaguar



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Other characters might not be in it for a couple of chapters, Set around the time of Winter Soldier, fem reader - Freeform, reader is an assassin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 04:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingjaguar/pseuds/sparklingjaguar
Summary: All I remember is being kidnapped.I don't...I don't know...Who I am.All I know for certain is that I'm with Hydra.





	1. Kidnapped

**Author's Note:**

> This seemed like a cool idea for a fic and was inspired by some of the prompts on Tumblr.  
> As always, let me know if there's a certain character you want me to write about or if you have an idea for another chapter.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

 

   Blackness.

 

 

   That was the last thing I could remember.

   Now I was in some kind of vehicle, being taken who knows where.

 

 

 

   It was a relatively peaceful day. I'd got up in the morning and headed to my classes at college. Biology always seemed to fascinate me, so that was what I was studying. I worked my shift at a small cafe afterwards, before heading home.

 

   I was just sitting at my computer, studying in my apartment, when I heard the door behind me creak.

 

 

   Without time to react, I felt a sharp pain at the back of my head.

 

 

    As I began to black out, a voice cut through the silence.

 

 

 

   "Hail Hydra."

 

 

 

 

   Now I was sat in what I presumed to be a van of some sort, with my hands and feet bound with rope and my eyes covered.

 

    I discovered that struggle was futile. Whenever I tried to move or adjust myself in any way, I was pushed down.

 

 

   My only option was to wait for them to take me somewhere else.

 

 

 

 

   After a long journey, I felt the vehicle come to a halt.

 

   My feet were untied and I was shoved out of the van, grabbed by the arm and practically dragged away, still unable to see anything.

 

 

 

   By the sounds of doors opening and the warm rush of air that followed, we seemed to be entering a building.

 

   Not that that was a good thing.

 

 

   We walked for some time, through what seemed like a maze of corridors, before I was forced down into a chair and tied to it.

 

 

 

   "Ah, gentlemen. Is this any way to treat our new friend?"

 

   The man's voice was soft and high-pitched, with a strong German accent.

 

 

   I spoke, though my voice was muffled by the material covering my head. "Who are you?"

 

 

   The material was removed, leaving me squinting in the strong light.

 

   The man was quite small, wearing glasses and some sort of lab coat.

 

    "I am Doctor Zola. It is so nice of you to join us here, Y/n. I believe you will be very.. useful."

 

 

   I trembled at the words. 

 

   "Why am I here? What do you want from me?"

 

   "Now that, my dear, is a more complicated question." He began to pace across the room. "We, Hydra, have been observing your skills as a biologist and believe you will be a great asset to our work here."

 

 

    Hydra.

 

 

    The organization that fought Captain America himself.

 

    And they expected me to work for them.

 

    I couldn't. Not for such evil people.

 

 

   "What makes you think I would ever help you?" I almost yelled as I began to struggle against my bindings.

 

   Doctor Zola looked at me calmly.

 

   "Because you don't have a choice."

 

   He turned to the guards beside me.

 

   "It seems we have a fighter. Take her to the lab. It's clear her mind will have no use here."

 

 

   Before I could shout or fight back, I was knocked out again.

 

 


	2. A New Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What have they done to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these chapters are really short but oh well. Still just the reader at the minute. Other characters will show up soon, I promise!
> 
> Enjoy :)

 

   I twitched awake, pain coursing through my head.

 

   The room surrounding me was like a cell; a dirty gray with an enormous metal door. I was lying down on a bed, if it could even be called that. 

 

   Trying to move from my position only brought my attention to the fact that I was strapped down. Thick leather straps bound my feet and my wrists, stopping all movement, but I attempted to struggle anyway.

 

   That was, until Zola entered the room, followed by two of the guards.

 

 

   "Ah, Y/n, so good to see you are awake. We can begin the procedure immediately."

 

   I started panicking and pulled at my restraints. "What are you going to do to me?"

 

   He leaned towards me.

   

   "We are going to make you better."

 

   He gestured at the guards.

 

   "Take her to the chair. We have much work to do."

 

 

 

 

   Shortly after, with a gun pressed to the back of my head, I was escorted to the next room, similar to the last, but with a large metal chair in it.

 

   I gulped in terror as the door was slammed shut behind me.

 

   I was forced into the chair.

 

 

   There were more restraints. My hands and feet were strapped down, along with my shoulders and waist this time. Whatever this was, it seemed people had struggled in the past and, by the looks of the surrounding machinery, it wasn't from fear, but from pain.

 

 

   I was completely helpless.

 

   If I tried to escape, I would be shot.

 

   If I stayed here, I might live.

 

   But God knows what they would do to me.

 

 

   As the guards strapped me to the chair, Zola handed me a small object.

 

   "What's that for?"

   "It's something for you to bite down on."

 

   I trembled as it was placed in my mouth and metal was positioned around my head.

 

   "Now, Y/n, you may feel a painful sensation..."

 

 

 

 

   

   Burning.

 

 

   My head was burning up and there was nothing I could do but scream.

 

 

   At the same time, I could feel something leaving, although I was unsure of what exactly.

 

 

 

 

   When the fire in my head came to a stop, I gasped for air in relief, only to be met with the doctors voice.

 

   "What is your name?"

 

   "Huh?"  
  


   "What is your name?"

 

   "Uh.. Y/n."

 

   "How old are you?"

 

   "23."  
  


 

   He was writing things down as he questioned me about all sorts of things, from me to my family and friends.

 

 

   "What is the name of your college?"

 

   "I.. uh..."

 

   I..

 

   I couldn't remember.

 

 

 

   Why couldn't I remember?

 

 

   "I don't know."  
  


 

   Zola smirked and wrote it down before placing the metal around my head again.

 

 

 

 

   The process was repeated over and over, each time agonizingly painful.

 

 

   I was constantly being interrogated and, to my horror, I found I stopped being able to answer simple questions.

 

 

   I was...

 

 

   I was losing my memories.

 

 

 

 

   

   After a few days, I was only able to remember my name. I was losing control of myself, becoming a darkened shell.

 

   A soldier.

 

 

   Zola began to feed me information about myself. About my true identity.

 

 

   And I believed him.

 

 

 

 

   "What is your name?"

 

   "Y/n, I.... I think."

 

   

   The doctor was becoming increasingly impatient.

 

   "No! Do it again!"

 

 

   Once more the metal was clamped around my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    "What is your name?"

 

 

 

   "I am..."

 

 

 

   "I am the Crimson Shard."

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. The Crimson Shard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd been a part of the Avengers for so long, I thought nothing would surprise me. Then a brainwashed assassin shows up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to see people have been enjoying this so far!  
> This chapter's from Steve's POV  
> Enjoy :)

    **Steve's POV**

 

   Natasha and I were hanging around Stark Tower after a mission, something about finding info on another criminal organization, nothing major, when we were called down by Director Fury. We exchanged a confused glance; we were never called back this quickly unless something big was happening.

 

 

   We both headed downstairs to see Fury waiting for us.

 

   I stepped forwards. "Director Fury. Is something wrong?"

 

   He handed me a file.  Inside were foreign documents and pictures of a young woman, only looking to be around 21.

 

   "Over the last few months, we've been tracking the activity of this girl. Her real name is unknown, but she's known as the Crimson Shard."

 

   Natasha looked over the file with curiosity before handing it back. "What's she got to do with anything?"

 

   "She's carried out multiple assassinations, not leaving a trace. We think it's something to do with Hydra, like that Winter Soldier. We don't know where he is, but we think we have a lead on her."

 

   "Does she have any powers?"

 

   "Not that we know of, but we captured this on one of our cameras."

 

   He held out another image. It wasn't very clear, but on the right side of the assassin, there seemed to be a gleam of metal.

 

   "We're thinking she's been... enhanced in some ways. All we know for certain is that she's dangerous. Ready to take her on, Cap?"

 

   I glanced at Nat and she nodded.

 

   

   "Let's do it."

 

 

 

   S.H.I.E.L.D. had managed to predict where she was going next, so we arrived and waited for any signs of her.

 

   Nat turned to me. "You think she's really with Hydra?"

 

   I sighed. "She might be, as much as I don't want to think it." 

 

 

   Her suspected target was being protected at S.H.I.E.L.D. , while we waited to try and catch her.

 

 

 

   We didn't have to wait very long.

 

   It was late in the evening, the darkness beginning to envelop us, when we spotted a dark figure on the roof of a building. I signaled for us to move; I went through the building from the bottom to cut off exits and get people out, as Natasha went straight to the rooftop.

 

   When I reached where the figure was, I took cover to avoid being spotted, seeing Nat on the opposite side do the same. We looked around to find the girl with a gun, aiming at the adjacent building, the target's building.

 

   It was difficult to see her in the little light we had, but I could make out the familiar gleam of metal on her right side. Her right arm was entirely metal and, on her shoulder, there was a large red star. She was dressed in a similar way to Nat, with a black suit, although it had red streaks down the sides. It exposed her metal limb and was layered with various gun holsters. A black mask covered her lower face.

 

   Our plan was for me to distract her, then for Natasha to tackle her. We could then bring her back to S.H.I.E.L.D. and find out what she was doing.

 

 

   I nodded to Nat, before running to the center of the roof, catching the girl's attention and hiding again.

 

   Her footsteps were almost silent. She came prowling around where I was, though not seeing me, gun at the ready.

 

   Just as she was nearing where I was, Natasha sprang into action. She ran over and knocked the gun out of the girl's hands then got her in a headlock.

 

 

   At that moment, I realized our mistake.

 

   The metal arm.

 

 

   With almost no effort, the girl pulled Natasha off her and pushed her away, now ready to come after me again.

 

 

   I had the serum on my side, but it was still difficult to get her down when I had the opportunity. 

 

   Despite her struggles, I managed to pin her on the floor, while Natasha got to her feet. We were about to question her, but gunshots caught our attention. We saw Hydra agents below us and, using the moment of surprise to her advantage, the girl shoved me off of her and knocked Nat over again before...

 

 

   She jumped off the building.

 

 

   I rushed to regain my senses and when I looked in the direction she had gone in, I saw the same figure with the metallic shine swinging on a grappling hook.

 

   "We've lost her this time, Nat."

 

 

 

   This was going to be much harder than I anticipated. 

   


	4. A Proper Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who were they? 
> 
>  
> 
> I felt like...
> 
>  
> 
> I recognised them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really happy people are enjoying this! It's been one of my favorites to write.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated :)

 

    **Y/n's POV**

 

   I found myself in the metal chair again, to my horror. Even though I could overpower any of the people in the room, I just...

 

   I just couldn't.

 

   They had broken my will completely and there was nothing I could do but wait for the pain. The inevitable pain that I would have to go through when he found out my mission hadn't been completed.

 

   Since they changed my handler, failing to complete the mission became more serious. The doctor was only there to condition me and, when he went to do more important jobs for Hydra, my handler became Alexander Pierce. He would give me all my orders and was incredibly strict when they weren't completed.

 

   While one of the scientists was checking for damage in my arm, I heard the metal door being unlocked for him to enter. The scientist immediately drew back to let him through; if anything provoked me, it was better to stay away.

 

   "Mission report."

 

   I swallowed the unavoidable fear and responded. 

 

   "Incomplete."

 

   Pierce crouched down beside me, though I kept my gaze straight ahead.

 

   Without warning, he raised his hand and slapped me across the face. I saw some of the men cringing as I turned my head to face forward again.

 

   "Why not?"

 

   "The man and woman," I mumbled. I strained my memory, but to no avail. "Who were they?" I asked, eyebrows furrowed.

 

   He stood up again and shook his head.

 

 

   "Wipe her again and start over."

 

   I felt desperation, hopelessness, sorrow. All things that my programming prevented me from expressing. All I could do was comply.

 

   Comply.

 

   Comply.

 

   Comply.

 

   My life was a string of orders, with no end in sight.

 

 

   My eyes closed as the metal was placed around my head and the machine turned on...

 

 

   Then turned off again.

 

   I opened my eyes to see the same man and woman from the previous night, the woman now pointing a gun at me.

 

   The man stepped forward. "Look, I know you're scared, but we're here to help you."  
  


 

   I hesitated briefly before my programming took control.

 

   Ripping the gun from the woman's hands I growled, "I don't need your help."

 

   He sighed. "You don't have a choice."  
  


 

   He threw a small disk onto my metal arm that disabled it completely, before knocking me out.

 

 

 

   I woke up leaning against the wall in some sort of cell, with three people outside. The man and woman were there again, but this time with a man with an eye-patch.

 

  They eyed me warily as I stood up, then the man with the eye-patch introduced them.

 

   "Crimson Shard. I'm Director Fury." Gesturing to the pair beside him, he added, "This is Steve and Natasha, better known as Captain America and Black Widow."

 

   I shook my head, trying to remember what happened at the Hydra base.

 

   "Where am I?"

 

 

   "Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D."


	5. Finding an Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was still confused...
> 
>  
> 
> But we were getting her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I haven't updated recently! I've been on holiday and it's been really busy but I'm back now. I swear Bucky will be in this eventually!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated and always make my day :)

 

    **Steve's POV**

 

   Once we had taken the girl away from Hydra, we brought her back to S.H.I.E.L.D. to see if we could get back the person she was before. Fury had decided she was safest kept in the glass cell, where she could be seen easily, and monitored by at least 2 agents.

 

  Fury, Nat and I waited outside the cell until she woke up so we could see how much of a threat she would turn out to be. Understandably, she was confused, then she channeled it into anger. Whatever they did to her, she didn't have control over what she was doing. Her movements were too fluid, seamless. She looked around the cell, seeming to look for possible escape, before she walked to where we were standing and threw a punch at the glass, making a small crack in the center.

 

   Guns were turned on her, to ensure she didn't continue to break the glass as the three of us walked away to Fury's office. We sat down and he pulled up a monitor so we could watch what she was doing. At the minute, she was stood completely still, unable to make a move with the threat of getting shot.

 

 

   "She is too dangerous," Fury declared. "At least, she is like this. You think there's any way we can get her back to whoever she was before all of this?"

   Natasha looked at the screen, thoughtful. "I've seen some of Hydra's work like this before. They strip people of their memories and plant new ones in their mind."

   "So she's been brainwashed?"

   "Pretty much." 

 

   I thought for a minute as we watched the monitor before an idea struck me.

   "Is there any way we can show her things from her past? Maybe we can do something to trigger her old memories."

   "I don't know," Nat mumbled. "How much information do we have on her past life?"

   Fury sighed. "Not much. I can see what else we can find out but what we have will have to do."  

   We all turned our attention back to the girl, still and emotionless in the cell.

 

 

   We began to show her the information we had on her. It wasn't much, just a little about her family and her school, some photos, but it was a start.

 

   The first session was my job. All I had to do was go through the facts and see if anything could be triggered.

 

   "Can you tell me your real name?" I asked.

   Remaining in her original position, face blank, she responded, "I am the Crimson Shard."

 

   I showed her a picture of herself. She glanced at it, but remained unfazed. 

 

   "Your name is Y/n L/n. You were kidnapped by Hydra."

 

   Her eyes narrowed and she growled, "You're lying to me."

 

   I sighed and continued anyway. I told her snippets about her family and showed her some more pictures, but there was no reaction. After some time, I decided to leave until we had more information.

 

 

   These sessions continued for two weeks when we had more information, though she still didn't seem to recognize anything, only insisting that we were lying to her.

 

   Well, that was until she saw the last picture.

 

 

   I went over everything we knew, trying to get a reaction, showing her more pictures of her, her parents and her friends. Nothing.

 

   The last picture was of her and a young girl in a hospital bed. The other girl, we found out, was her younger sister.

 

   When Y/n saw the last picture, her eyes went wide and she took a step back, before clutching her head and closing her eyes. She shook her head slowly and opened her eyes. I saw a tear roll down her cheek as she focused on the picture again. She put her hand up against the glass and whispered a name.

 

   "Meg..." she murmured.

 

   "What do you remember?"

 

   "This is my sister. We had to go to the hospital because she broke her ankle falling off a climbing frame." She smiled fondly at the memory. "She was always so clumsy." 

 

   After looking at the picture for a minute, she seemed to realize what was happening. Her head darted from side to side, confused.

 

   "Where am I? Who are you?" she asked frantically, backing away from the glass.

 

   I held my hands out in front of me. "It's okay. You're at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. I'm Steve. We're going to help you. I promise."

 

 

   She was still confused, but we were finally getting her back.


	6. Foreign Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My memories were coming back slowly, but they felt foreign...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy that you guys are enjoying this because I'm having fun writing it :)

 

    **Y/n's POV**

 

   

   The man that had taken me from Hydra, he kept showing me things. Things I was supposed to recognize. He kept telling me about myself. He said my name was Y/n...

 

   The name rung a bell, but confused me. I was the Crimson Shard. Zola and Pierce told me so. They wouldn't have lied to me.

 

   Would they?

 

 

   I couldn't see any escape from the cell except forcing my way out, but with guns trained on me at every moment, it wasn't possible. All I could do was stand and wait for an opportunity.

 

   There were more pictures as the weeks went by. Pictures of strange people and someone who looked like me.

 

   One of them changed everything.

 

   It was a photo of the person that looked like me, but with a girl in a hospital bed.

 

   I immediately stepped back and clutched my head as a memory flooded it.

 

 

    _I was sat next to the girl in the hospital bed. Her leg was bound in a cast. I spoke._

_"How did you manage to break your leg falling off the climbing frame? It wasn't even that high up!"_

_We both laughed._

_"I don't know Y/n. Guess I'm just unlucky." She glanced at her leg again then her face lit up. "Hey will you sign my cast?"_

_I rolled my eyes and smiled at her.  "Sure. Do you want me to draw anything?"_

_"Yeah! Can you do that dog drawing I love? It's so cool!"_

_I grabbed a marker and signed the cast, before doing a little dog doodle next to it._

_"There you go." I hugged her and stood up. "I've got to leave now. Get well soon Meg."_

 

  "Meg..." I mumbled.

 

   I looked back up at the man, who looked shocked. "What do you remember?" he asked hurriedly.

 

   Feeling a tear fall from my eye, I put my hand on the glass, staring at the photo.

   "She was in the hospital because she broke her leg falling off a climbing frame." I chuckled to myself. "She was always so clumsy." I was almost in a trance, still reliving the memory.

 

   Realizing the situation, I stood back again. "Where am I? Who are you?"

 

   The man held his hands out, trying not to appear threatening. "You're in the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. My name is Steve. We're going to help you. I promise."

 

   Another memory crawled its way into my mind.

 

    _I stared at the TV in awe as the news continued._

    _"Earlier this week, a plane from the 1940s was found after it crashed into the Arctic Ocean. Inside was discovered to be former soldier Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America."_

_A picture of him appeared onscreen._

 

"You. You're him. Captain America." He nodded.

   I slumped down against the wall of the cell. "What happened to me?"

   "You were kidnapped by Hydra. They made you a weapon and removed your memories but I think certain things can trigger them to come back."

 

   I put my head in my hands and sighed.

 

   "I've hurt people. A lot of people."

 

   "Y/n, listen to me. None of it was you-"

 

   "But it was me! Those people were innocent, but I killed them anyway."

 

   I broke down as the last years came back to me. Memories of being controlled by programming. Memories of pain. Memories of the death.

 

   Memories of the death I had caused.

 

    _"What have I done?"_

 

 


	7. Trapped Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long have I been with them?
> 
> How many deaths have I caused?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still really enjoying writing this! I swear Bucky will be in this eventually and I'm sorry it took so long for me to update! :)
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to my friend Zara as an apology :)

 

   I sat in my cell in despair, screams of people in unrelenting flashbacks echoing around my head. My past life was still unclear, but I didn't really remember my time as part of Hydra either. Steve told me that I had been the Crimson Shard for ten years. There was a constant burning sensation across my right shoulder, and I stared at the gleaming metal at my side, thinking of the lives it had taken.

 

   All the flashbacks.

   They were overwhelming.

 

   Everyone I had hurt, everyone I had killed, everyone I had broken. Vague memories of their pain rushed back to me, bit by bit, and I was forced to watch this... this version of myself kill them in cold blood, without guilt or remorse.

 

   Aside from that though, I could also faintly remember words. They seemed random and I had no idea what they were, but they wrestled in my mind endlessly.

 

**LONGING , RUSTED , SEVENTEEN , DAYBREAK , FURNACE , NINE , BENIGN , HOMECOMING , ONE , FREIGHT CAR .**

 

They meant something. I could feel it. I just didn't know what.

 

   I was stuck where I was, struggling for answers and reliving all of the hurt I had inflicted.

 

 

    **Steve's POV**

 

   

   I felt bad for her. Watching her through the cameras, I could see the turmoil she was in, and I could understand why. 

   Being brainwashed and forced to kill isn't something you recover from instantly.

 

   In any case, I decided it was best to try and talk to her.

 

   "Y/n?" She looked up from her position, sat back against the wall.

 

   "Yeah?"

 

   "How are you feeling?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

 

   "I'm doing absolutely brilliant... what do you think?"

 

   I looked down, slightly sheepish. Sighing, she spoke again.

 

   "Sorry, it's just a lot to take in. First I'm kidnapped, then brainwashed, forced to murder people, then I end up here, with hardly any memory of what they did to me and only stacks of guilt to keep me company." She put her head in her hands. "You shouldn't even be talking to me. I'm dangerous."

 

   I shrugged. "Maybe, but I think you deserve another chance." She looked up in shock. "You don't seem inherently evil from what I've seen. Besides, I think you could be helpful."

 

   Y/n rose to her feet, facing me. "What... what are you suggesting?"

 

   

   "I want you to join the team."

 

 

    **Y/n's POV**

 

   

   Join... the team...

 

   The Avengers....

 

   He couldn't be serious. I was too much of a threat to even be let out of this stupid cell, let alone be trusted with saving people...

 

   "But... look at me. I can't help anyone..."

 

   "You can. You can take what Hydra gave you and use it for good, out of your own free will rather than under someone else's control. I can help out with training, since you appear to have been given a form of the super-soldier serum, and maybe we can help you to reclaim some of your memories."

 

   I traced my fingers over the cold metal. "You think I'd be able to..?"

 

   "Absolutely. Are you in?" He gave me a hopeful smile.

 

   "I..." Pausing to think about what I'd done already, I decided that maybe it was worth trying to correct the last ten years. Maybe I could reclaim myself, make things better.

 

   "I'm in."


End file.
